Choices
by pandorabox82
Summary: When Erin gets a call from JJ, she has to wonder what the consequences will be for the choices they make.


Erin hadn't expected to get a call, so late at night, and she sat upright, her heart pounding as she wondered what bad news she would be getting now, who had been hurt, or if the Replicator had finally hurt one of her team. Her team. Even now, those words sounded strange and foreign in her mind. "Hello?" she asked huskily, trying to still her heart, calm her nerves, sound authoritative.

"Chief Strauss, Erin, we're coming home." It was Agent Jareau's soft voice speaking to her over the transom, and she sighed, wondering why the woman was calling her. "I'm tired, Erin."

"Aren't we all?" she asked tonelessly, staring at a spot in the wallpaper. "What do you need?"

"I'm going home to see Will tonight. And then I'd like to come see you tomorrow morning."

Erin turned and looked at her clock. "Why don't we make that a lunch date? Say, noon at Phipp's Place?"

"All right, that might be better. I don't know how late we'll be up tonight." It was as if she didn't realize that she was revealing some very personal information about herself and her husband and Erin smiled gently. "We…need to work out some things."

"I understand. Probably more than you realize. I'll see you tomorrow." She ended the call and then added the meeting to her calendar. Her phone buzzed just as she pressed the done button and she frowned a little as she opened her text messages.

_I don't think that you do, Erin._ Those words burned into her mind as she set the phone aside and curled back up on her mattress, trying to get back to sleep. Rest eluded her though as her brain flitted around, trying to make sense of her words. Why would she text something so cryptic to her? Shaking her head, she flopped onto her back and stared at her ceiling, willing herself back to sleep.

In the morning, she felt exhausted, as if she had ran a marathon in her dreams. Yawning as she stretched, she slipped out of bed and padded over to her dresser, picking out a light spring dress to wear to their lunch before heading into the bathroom and taking a quick shower.

As she stepped out, she felt a little more refreshed and she quickly dried off, patting her hair a bit before stepping back into her bedroom and slipping on a pair of panties. Feeling impulsive, she chose black silk and a bra that was a little tight on her figure. She wasn't planning on going in to the office, so she could dress up a little, a luxury she didn't have very often.

Smiling, she pulled on her dress and zipped it up before doing her makeup and styling her hair. Sighing at her reflection in the mirror, she paused, wondering why she cared so much that she looked nice for Jennifer. Shaking her head, she smoothed out her skirt and went over to her bedside table, picking up her phone. She looked down at the screen and smiled.

_Hey, don't think I've forgotten! See you in a few!_ Erin shook her head once more and quickly tapped back a reply before heading down to the kitchen, grabbing her purse from the counter and shoving the phone inside. Plucking her keys off the hook, she slipped her feet into a pair of black kitten heels and then stepped out into the garage.

The drive to the restaurant didn't take long, yet somehow she was unsurprised to see that Jennifer was there already, pacing in front of the building. Parking, Erin quickly walked to her side and was surprised when she approached her, reaching out for her hand and clasping it tightly. "Jennifer?"

"Erin." There was a calm assurance to her, now that Erin was at her side, and she wondered when that had developed. They hadn't spent much time together, though it had increased since she had married her Will. Erin had welcomed the brief moments that they shared with each other, getting to know how the woman ticked. Somewhere along the line, a sweet friendship had blossomed between them when she hadn't been looking, and she relished the moments they spent together. "Even after all this time, you still use my entire name. Call me JJ."

"It doesn't sound right coming from my lips," she replied as they went inside.

"Well, I guess that's your choice." They were seated quickly and Jennifer gave the menu a onceover. "I'm not sure staying with Will is going to work out."

Erin looked up at her in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"I tried to get that spark back, when we came home last night. I jumped him once I was certain that Henry was asleep, but even though we had the best sex in months, it felt so hollow to me, like I was just going through the motions."

She could feel a warm blush steal over her cheeks as she listened to Jennifer's words. Her brain automatically began to picture Jennifer's body, lithely moving under Will's, moaning and cooing as she strained for her orgasm. It was embarrassing enough to think like that when it came to David, picturing the things he did to her, the way he made her feel, but with a colleague? It was beyond the pale. Shifting uncomfortably in the booth, she picked up the glass of water in front of her and took a sip. "And you think the best course of action is to leave him?"

"Well, yeah. After I find out something."

Erin looked up into the younger woman's eyes, catching the flicker of raw desire there that was quickly masked. Once more, she sipped at her water, trying to think of something to say, something that would deflect attention away from her. "What do you need to find out?"

She mentally kicked herself as her mouth blurted out the very words she did not want to say. Jennifer raised her eyebrow, smiling a little as she reached across the table for her hand. Leaning in close, she began to rub her thumb against the back of Erin's hand, staring into her eyes. "I need to find out how sweet your lips taste, and if you burn with the same fire that Rossi does. I've watched what's smoldered between you for months."

"Why don't you go sleep with David, then?" she asked somewhat bitterly, wondering if the woman already had.

"He's not the one I want to burn with."

Erin gasped lightly, yanking her hand away. "That's not me."

"Blake says otherwise."

"Alexandra is confusing a time when we were both hurting, for something more than it was. She was always one to cling." Her words rang false to her ears, and she knew that Jennifer would know that she was lying to her. Her time with Alex had been a bright moment in the midst of both their marriage problems.

"And when you're ready to quit lying, we can move things along. There's nothing wrong with being bisexual."

"But there is great wrong in cheating on your husband. I was burnt by that once, I won't have you go through that. I cannot do that to my David. Please, understand." Hot tears burned her eyes and she wiped at them furiously, wishing that she wasn't breaking down in front of Jennifer of all people.

"And if you got permission?"

Erin gave a watery, mirthless, laugh. "You don't have permission from Will. And like Dave would ever give me permission to fuck another woman." Her voice was low, and she refused to look at Jennifer, not wanting to see what was in her eyes. "That's all this would be, you know. A quick and dirty fuck that doesn't mean anything. I did not spend three months in rehab to do this to myself. I have more respect for my person now. Don't you?"

A few tears slipped down her cheeks as she shook her head a little, and JJ lifted her hand up to wipe them away. "I do. But I need to know if this desire I feel for you means more than my marriage vows. I need to know if wanting what I can't have is the only thing that's driving me. I need to know you, in every sense of the word. You were there for me when I lost my baby. Do not turn your back on me now."

Erin lifted her hand up to play with the neckline of her dress as she finally met JJ's eye. "I couldn't turn my back on you if I tried, Jennifer. I hate this." Resigning herself to this choice she was about to make, she pulled out her phone and quickly dialed her lover. "David?" she asked, her voice sounding weak to her own ears.

"Is everything okay, Erin?" The concern that filled his voice almost sent her over the edge, and she pursed her lips a little as she drew in a deep breath. "Honey, what is it?"

"I'm with Jennifer," she finally answered and heard his own deeply drawn breath. "I'm supposed to ask you a favor. A rather large favor. One that I hate to ask of you, since we've always been exclusive since we got together."

"She wants to go to bed with you."

"Yes. I don't want to betray you, David."

He sighed a little, and she imagined him shaking his head at her. "It won't be a betrayal, darling. She asked me if you would be willing to spend a night with her, when she found out about you and Alex's history. I wasn't the one who told her, and I know for a fact that it wasn't Hotch, either."

She felt a deep blush spread across her cheeks as she tried to imagine who in the BAU would still be spreading salacious rumors about herself. And Alex. Sighing, she met JJ's eye and saw that the woman was smiling sweetly at her. "And you won't hold it over my head?"

"No, I promise you I won't. I will still love you, and you will have the experience of another person's pleasure to bring back to our bedroom. I love you, Erin, and I will still love you when you come to me tonight, to erase some of the guilt you will end up with. I know you, don't even try to protest."

"You do know me, beloved. I'll see you tonight." Hanging up on him, she blinked a few times, her eyes never breaking away from JJ's. "All right, you're coming home with me after this, Jennifer. We will try to exorcize this craving from your body."

JJ's smile grew even sweeter, and Erin found herself smiling in return before picking up her menu once more. Moments later, their waitress appeared, not looking at either of them as she took their order, and Erin felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her as she placed her order. Once the woman had left, though, JJ reached across the table and took hold of her hand once more. "This is going to go well, Erin. I promise."

"Promises are hard to keep at times."

"I know. God, do I know." A natural silence spread over them and Erin took a few shallow breaths, trying to control the chaos of her feelings. And just like that, a craving hit her, and her hands began to shake. Quickly, she drew both hands off the table and sat on them, trying to will away the feeling. "Erin?"

"It will pass. They always do."

JJ's eyes turned sad as she shook her head. "I didn't mean to bring about this reaction in you. We don't have to…"

"No, Jennifer. I'm just so nervous at the moment that I seem to have sent myself into a craving. I know how to deal with this now, I have the tools necessary to get past this feeling and continue on with my day. Just, talk to me, okay?"

"Okay. So, Henry is getting so big. I hardly recognize my baby. If she had lived, she would be a toddler now."

"You were barely pregnant."

"I knew. In my heart, when the doctor told me I had lost the pregnancy, I knew it was the girl I had so desperately wanted. How did you cope with having three children on top of running the BAU? I mean, I know we did not make your life any easier back then, and they're so young."

"I drank a lot. A lot. At first, it was just a glass of wine to unwind from another day of the subtle reminders that the only reason I was Section Chief was because the BAU needed to promote a woman. It slipped into a horrid habit, and I was soon beyond recognizing that it was a problem. At least Mommy was a fun drunk, most of the time." She was surprised at the bitter tone in her voice, as she had thought that she had moved past that hurt. "Now, I'm not quite so fun, but I'm better. They're slowly coming around to that, and getting used to shuttling between my home and their father's every week."

"And you don't think that has affected them at all?" JJ asked, leaning forward. "That's the last thing I'd want for Henry, for him to start acting out because Will and I weren't together any longer."

"I haven't noticed any ill effects, yet. But I only just got joint custody of them in August." She sighed lightly as she picked up her water, needing a drink. "As long as you love him, though, everything will work out right in the end. Or at least, that's what I believe. God knows our hearts, and things work out in the right time, when He knows that we need them."

JJ nodded before slumping back against the booth, watching Erin. She found that she didn't mind the scrutiny, and she used the opening to study JJ as well. Their food came, and Erin found that she wasn't really hungry, that her nerves and the anticipation were killing her appetite. As she picked at her food, she watched JJ wolf her plate down, and she grinned as she slid her plate a little closer to the younger woman, encouraging her to pick off her plate, too. "So, I take it that you're not planning on dessert?"

"That would be a no, Jennifer." They smiled at each other, and Erin barely acknowledged the waitress dropping off their check. Before she could grab the folder, JJ was plucking it off the table and slipping two twenties inside. "Ready already?"

"Yes. Take me home, Erin."

Erin took a deep breath as she slipped out of the booth and blindly grabbed for JJ's hand, leading the younger woman back outside. "I'll try to drive at a pace where you can follow me. But when I get nervous, I tend to drive faster. If you get lost, call David and he'll give you directions to my place. All right?"

JJ nodded and then leaned over to kiss her softly. Erin froze a little as their lips touched, and once JJ had stepped away, she brought her hand up to touch her lips. "That is just a little taste of what's ahead of you, Erin."

"Ah." She nodded stupidly before scurrying over to her car and getting behind the wheel. Taking another deep breath, she started her car and pulled out of the parking lot, checking the rearview mirror to make certain that JJ was following her. Somehow, she managed to go slowly enough so that the woman could follow her, and she left the garage door open for JJ as she got out of her car and unlocked her door, heading inside.

The door closing behind her caused her to jump, and she turned to face JJ, taking in the lovely smile that tilted her lips up, the slight flush of anticipation that colored her skin, the way her nipples had already tightened a little, and she sighed. "What?"

"You're beautiful," she murmured as she held out her hand once more, willing JJ to clasp it, so that she could lead her up to her room and then take this to its conclusion. This choice had been a difficult one to make, and she wasn't sure that she could take any hesitation on the younger woman's part. The moment their hands touched, Erin tightened her clasp and fairly tugged JJ up the stairs and into her bedroom.

"So are you," JJ said lowly as she pulled Erin close and claimed her lips in a possessive kiss. Erin closed her eyes and gave herself over to the pleasures of the flesh, hoping that when the dust settled, everything would go back to some semblance of normal and that she would be able to live with one more regret on her heart.


End file.
